Girls' mom needs jump start in conversation about puberty

DEAR ABBY:

I'm a mother of three beautiful little girls. I'm nervous about having to talk with my oldest about puberty and sex. She's turning 10, and I know I need to start explaining certain things to her, but I have no idea how. My mother never sat me down and talked to me about anything, really, so my mom would not be of much help. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

- Minnesota Mom of Three

DEAR MOM: You can spare your daughter a frightening experience when her first period arrives if you start talking to her now, before it happens. Start the conversation by making the message positive - that she will "become a woman" soon and tell her what to expect. Show her what to do in case you are not there and what supplies she will need to take care of herself. That's step one.

A short time later, ask her what she knows about reproduction. Because reproduction is taught in some schools, she may surprise you by how much she already knows. If she doesn't, start talking to her about how her body works and about your family values. It is important that parents also talk to their children about drugs and alcohol well before they start to experiment. My booklet "What Every Teen Should Know" covers sexuality as well as other topics, including dating, peer pressure, sexually transmitted diseases, drugs, and alcohol. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Order it for yourself and review it before starting your discussions with your daughter. My "Teen" booklet has been distributed in doctors' offices as well as by educators and religious leaders. The more information you can provide your daughters, the better prepared those girls will be to make informed choices.

Elf costume hasn't put magic in their sex life

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my girlfriend for seven years, and for the most part, our sex life is great. However, we've had disagreements when I suggested ways to spice it up.

I proposed costume/role play where she would dress up as an elf or other fantasy genre character. She hates the idea (and elves) and suggested lingerie (which I have bought for her in the past, but gets worn once or twice before being thrown away). I don't think my suggestion is outrageous compared to some of the letters I've seen in your column over the years. Am I wrong for thinking she's being close-minded?

- Cosplay Curious in Calgary

DEAR "COS": It strikes me that your girlfriend may be more clothes-minded than close-minded. It's a fact of life that some people are more sexually adventurous than others. Because she finds the idea of dressing as an elf unappealing, choose another fantasy figure you can agree upon.