Man's announced engagement surprises his wife of 17 years

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EAR ABBY:

My husband and I have been together 21 years, married for 17. We recently did a short sale on our home and moved to Texas. It was a professional move for my husband.

At first I was wowed; then I grew homesick for my family, my job and my friends. My husband was not supportive of my emotional needs. Three years later, he has announced his engagement to another woman via the internet. He has been seeing her all this time, while financially supporting my household and saying, "Goodbye, I love you," at the end of our phone calls and texts.

Needless to say, I have filed for divorce. His "cupcake" doesn't know he's still married and has large debts from our relationship as well as this new one, so she's in for a big financial surprise.

In the meantime, we'll communicate amicably. I still love him. I want to expose him to her. I don't think she'd be making wedding plans if she knew he was still married. Should I let them figure it out for themselves or maybe spend my lifetime with regrets?

- Heavy Heart, No Regrets

DEAR HEAVY HEART: If you want to do the cupcake a "favor" and expose your almost-ex, I can't stop you. But if you do, you can bet your divorce will be anything but amicable, and I seriously doubt you'll achieve your goal.

Husband's forced intimacy isn't normal

DEAR ABBY: My husband is always grabbing me in a sexual way. I find it demeaning and annoying. When I ask him to stop, he says it's normal and I should be glad he's still interested in me. He says it's my job to "take care of my man," even if it means being awakened in the middle of the night. Is this normal?

- Manhandled in Georgia

DEAR MANHANDLED: When a man approaches a woman in a sexual way, it is supposed to be pleasurable for both parties. If one of them asks the other to stop and the person doesn't, it becomes more of an assault than foreplay. It is not your "job" to have sex with your husband when he wakes you up in the middle of the night demanding it. That borders on coercion, and it is not "normal."

It's time to tell on brother for smoking

DEAR ABBY: My younger brother smokes, but not cigarettes. Recently, he has been taking a pipe to school. I'm the one who drives him to the bus stop every morning, and I've told him to leave it at home, but he refuses to listen to me. I'm worried he's going to get caught by the campus police, get kicked out of our very nice school and develop a criminal record. I can't tell our parents because that will do more harm than good, and I can't make him listen to me. What do I do?

- Smoking Mad Older Sister

DEAR SISTER: Ask yourself which will do your brother more good - telling your parents what he has been up to so they can intervene, or remaining silent and letting him get kicked out of school for being stoned in class? Tell your parents!