Q: Something strange is going on with this guy I'm seeing. We met about six weeks ago, and I haven't been to where he stays. I keep asking why can't I come over, and he says it's because he's not set up yet. So he comes to my house. He even tries to come over at night during the week, which I don't like because I have to be up and on my job early. He has his own business, so he makes his own schedule. Everything is happening real quick. I know it's all my own fault because I slept with him too soon. It was on the first day. I thought we would wind up at his place, and instead, it was at mine. We never even got around to talking using protection yet. Other than that, things are pretty good between us. He picked me up at the bus station and even brought me flowers. I can tell he really likes me. He always calls and asks me what I'm doing and if he can come over and what I'm wearing. But I feel uneasy. I can't get it off my mind.
Mia: You had unprotected sex with a total stranger, and now you're worried he might be married? Girl, please! You're supposed to find that out before you get naked. But you didn't. Now what? The next time he leaves your house, you could follow him like a crazy stalker chick so you can discover where he goes when he leaves. Or you can straight up ask him for his address. A cute way to do this is to wait until he pulls out his wallet to pay for dinner and then ask him, "Hey, let me see the photo on your driver's license." Then take a quick peek at his address, smile, and hand it back. Property records that you can go through later will reveal who owns the house. Also, notice whether he introduces you to his kids. Does he slip up and refer to his ex as his wife? Does he disappear for long stretches at a time? Are you able to reach him whenever you want? Also, instead of pretending like you're all in love, make him date you. Only agree to go out with him once a week. Offer to come meet him at his house. At the very least, start insisting he wear a condom. He'll balk since he's already had sex with you without it. It may turn out that you're suspicious for nothing. But time will tell.
Steve: Mia's right. Do research before you do something stupid. Like Connie Francis once said, "Hey, Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me."
Q: I've been married for 20 years and have become sad. My wife, whom I love, is no longer active sexually because she' s 52 now. I still have desire, but I can't get her much interested. She's tired, busy, etc., etc. Any thoughts on how I can get her going again for at least once or twice a week?
Steve: Have you tried thinking about something new? A day off? A hotel? Dinner out? Having a conversation with her on what she likes? Not every week will be perfect, but it really isn't difficult if you can be creative instead of the same old, same old. Ask her how things have changed for her. What does she like now that she didn't like before? Focus on her and on what SHE would like to do. If you pay attention to her and become creative, you'll find her willing to pay attention more to you.
Mia: Steve's right for a change. Make it all about her, and she'll probably be more accommodating. Try back rubs, hot baths, trips to Jamaica, whatever she wants. Hormonal shifts probably are helping her feel less engaged sexually. Make sure she sees her gynecologist. Certain antidepressants and blood pressure medications can lower an already-flagging sex drive. Good luck!