St. Patrick's Day falls on a Saturday this year. That's basically a bat signal for weekend warriors to paint shamrocks on each others' faces, guzzle bad beer and commit social atrocities in plain view of security cameras. If you're heading into the fray, your sense of decorum and propriety will be tested. Are you ready?

Patrick Rapa is a South Philly writer. He wears green every St. Patrick's Day, because his mom says he should. @mission2denmark